How did my life change, hanging around with wrong. Got nor favor.

I was in a small town, in upstate New York. I remember. as when I was age of 3. I remember that my parent bought a lot of toys, and video game that i liked, like playing with cars, action figure toys. By the age when i became 4. I got my tonsils remove. Due to cold infection. As days going on fast. By 2 month. I got first episode attack epilepsy attack. My parent what was it. How did it happen. I remember i went to emergency room, the emergency room doctor that from neurologist department said.; Was this your son first epilepsy attack. My father said yes, I remember the neurologist doctor said , The seizures or “epilepsy “ symptom is; Epilepsy is a group of non communicable neurological disorder characterized by recurrent epileptic seizures. When i got first seizures attack. I remember staying in a hospital about 11 days. As doctor always check me on what i am doing or am i not eeling well. By probably 10 days later , I have been released from the hospital. I remember i said goodbye to the nurse and doctor , for taking care of me , giving me food. I was so happy and joy. I remember , when i release in the hospital , my father ask , how are you feeling , did the doctor check on you , feeling ok. yeah and you don't feel like you going to have a epilepsy attack. my response i said no. As i was being good boy. My father bought me Mcdonalds to eat, i was so excited , want to eat Mcdonald . I remember when i came into the apartment , my sister ask me , how do you feel , i said i am ok. but i never get along well, never got good relationship , since as being adult. My mom was asking to my father , what did the doctor said? His response his. If he get another epilepsy attack ? We going to prescribed him epilepsy medicine. So i do remember , after i was release from the hospital , my mom told me. Told me go to sleep or rest. But i said. I want to play video games.? She said rest or go to sleep. Until your rest about 4 hours. You can play video games or play toys. As do i remember , when i was kid, by that time. I had good relationship with my sister. We played tic tac toe , hide and go seek , sometimes playfight and more. I remember i had slept in a bump bed with my sister. I all the time talk to her. Lik her alot. As 19 years later came; I remember age of 14 that my epilepsy was going out of control. I remember that my parent make appointment to see a neurologist doctor When i went to neurologist doctor as emergency visit. I remember the doctor was telling my parent that, him to control his epilepsy. we have the option of putting pacemaker or having a surgery, where the epilepsy of what brain part is coming from? but after my parent discuss with the doctor what profitable for me. is it a pacemaker in my body or a surgery. I remember. I said. I want to have surgery, i said; i don't want to have pacemaker in my body. My mom said she don't want pacemaker in my body . i rather take surgery. As my mom fainted. My dad is said what good for my son , i will take it. As when i came to my house. My sister said. what did the doctor . To control the epilepsy of seizures attack. They gave him the option if you want pacemaker or surgery. I said i want a surgery . My sister was shocked. Why take surgery. I have no option. I don't want pacemaker in my body. My life is already over dealing with epilepsy rest of my life as i get older.. My sister dont be scared, when you get surgery , I will always be there for you , never leave you. etc . moving on 3 years later; Due to ongoing epilepsy attack. I had drop out of high school by that time it was started to get worse. From there, I cannot concentrated , due to epilepsy attack on school. I had to drop out of school, my life was over. I drop out of high school , from there , I had to go to job training to get a job. Day by day . I can tell my life was over. It got worser and worse. As i see . how my parent always helping sister , and little sibling . Not me . I am no one , he just stranger that just came from the street , out of no where. I can see myself in the mirror , that i am never going to have good relationship with my parents or the only way to end , with my life is over. I can predict myself As i get older, I will remember, my parent will never take me to a baseball game or hockey game, i am sure and bet on it. As inside of my body, that i want to hit her, as i can predicted there can be domestic abusive relationship and fight will happen , when we are older get married. We will no longer have contact again. I can tell rage inside my body and want to hit someone. Countdown to 6 years later. I did had rage anger on the people , i know. because they never wanted to help me , because color of my skin or i just no one/ From there i was always upset cry , i got no love or sympthy . I all time yall , from the begging now through 15 years , my life changed , i never had good relationship , it all about , i think i have to sucide myself. That nobody want me to live. i did try sucidie myself. I did got injury and cut , and no life threating. As years go one , with no good relationship with people i know. I can tell . they dont care. There always argument , everything did not go well. But how is it going to end.? As 3 years later passed. I had come to conclusion. That the only i have to live a life that my life is already over.? I have to sucide myself. I am living in a bulshit world. where people dont care one another , only they care about themselves. What a fuck. is it people of the color of skin or they dont fucking care. because i know, i will never going to trust people never again. The only way to end it. is to suicide myself. as i got a knife for to killing myself; I writing a letter tothe people i used to love , now i hate. That i know , people always pretend to me. I wrote in a letter. This is letter to whomever. i remind you that i had sucide myself, because you dont give a damn about you care about yourself , i got nothing from you, except buying me clothes. You could not take me to baseball game or hockey game. i have to by myself. to whomever; You are direct old direct bastard . You never care about me. After i die , you will never be welcome to heaven. Fuck you. Whoever read the letter , i wrote , fuck you, watch what to happen to your life when you get cancer or die suddenly. After i die . I can tell from watching from heaven.when a person walk by me , saw a dead body. She call the police , or ambulance , saw a dead person. I went to amublance , went to hospital. the emergency doctor. i think he sucide himself. Who is this young person parent. as they saw. the address. they did try to contact . They were never reached. Because the people i used to live. they dont care. they are selfish greedy bastard , they dont care. the emergency doctor said. Maybe parent kill this young adult. Went to other states to run away. As they saw of that person family. They became wanted criminal. For the adult children. for himself that lead to sucide. They became a criminal in their states. But no one where to be found. As news reporter said. If you know the parent or these adults, please call the police. Person who call the police will get $1,000 reward . But yet no where to be found. If they never want to have a son. why have a son. You may never know. one day you will have baby girl. Living in a domestic abusive house was my worst day. i will never forgive them , wht they done to me. that lead to suicide.